Seaweed

So today I got home and went on my (suddenly, strangely, and annoyingly) slow internet. I say this like it's some sort of interesting historical story, but this actually happened like seven minutes ago. Anyway, I did get to cnn.com. I quickly scanned some of the news stories before an advertisement caught my eye. The ad was quite large and featured a girl with a, umm, suggestive look and pose. The ad asked me to place a pink patch on the girl's arm, and then I noticed it asked "want to drop 25 pounds?" Now, I'm thin and a guy, so obviously losing 25 pounds would be probably the worst thing that could happen to me. But the fact that this ad was apparently claiming that a patch would make people lose weight was powerfully absurd.

So, with JMC 262 in mind, I clicked.

The website confirmed my suspicions: they were selling a "pink" patch they dubbed a "a weight loss solution created by women and for women like you." Okay, apparently this ad was targeted at girls. Haha, right. Anyway, this site was pretty fascinating because, for instance, it has funny quotes from girls like this one from "Dana"...

I spent most of high school being teased for my weight. The popular girls seemed to have everything: the gorgeous bodies, the cutest boys. I was not going to feel that way in college too! The summer before I left, I tried the Pink Patch. I lost 15 lbs! It changed my life completely. Now I'm in my sophomore year and I'M the popular girl. Thank you Pink Patch!

The whole thing seems like a scam you'd see on late-night television. So my main question is: how does this (obviously illegitimate) company have the money to place a really big advertisement on the front page of a huge website. Apparently they've amassed enough money, that's how. Tons of insecure girls literally buy (into) this stuff, which of course never works.

The website even claims the patch is an appetite suppressant. Healthy stuff! No!